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Subject:What am I cAnDyLaNd or something?
Time:01:17 pm
Current Mood:discontentdiscontent
Why is it that everyone loves to play games? I don't understand what it is that everyone loves to play games with me... And what's more then that? Eveyr single one of them like to play wiht my heart... And me being as stupid as I am... I let them. I always end up being the one who is more hurt.

I finally think that things are going my way... That things are going to start looking up... Then the unexpected happens and something else enters the picture... And just like that I end up caught in the midst of other line of fire. Once again leaving me unsure of how things are going to go....

(Just to make my day even more shitty... my car will not be done today... Just my luck huh?)

In the end I end up leaving people behind and leaving them out of the picture either because they just took to long, made it seem as if they did not like me, or I was just not into them in that sense....

Sometimes I wonder why exactly I start liking a person if I can drop them so easily once someone else comes along... then it appears to me that I really only liked them becuase I wanted a boyfriend.... And the ones who I forget about so quickly are the ones who really like me....

The ones on the other hand that i really start to like.... well they don't like me in that sense.... They make it seem like they do for a while, they make me feel like I am gorgeous... they make me feel beautiful... They make me feel like they really do like me... And what happens in the end? All of a sudden without warning I'm not all that to them anymore.Somehow they forget about me so quickly like I was just some spur of the moment pick up... Just when I think I might actually have something good... I realize that something happened somewhere in the process and suddenly I am dropped like a bad habit....

Suddenly the one thing that was making me feel gorgeous, and like I was worth something is the one thing unknowingly making me feel like shit. The one thing that makes me cry... The one thing that makes me feel like I am exactly what certain people tell me I am! I apparently am not what you made me fele like I was.... I am what everyone else tells me I am!

The one person who I thought would be completely different from all the rest was not. Just like everyone else was just playing games with my heart just like I am Candyland.

All the little things... the one things that I thought were special were not that to you... All those little things meant so much to me... I was feeling that for once I just might have something that was different. I felt like for once I might have something special that made me fele like I was special...

Somehow though I don't understand how you can go from treating me like I am something great one night to making me feel like I am nothing the next day.... What exactly did I do? I barely even talked to you in those point and time periods.. Or is it becuase you found something that was better... you found something that you decided was more worth your time?

Or then again maybe it's becuase I scare you just like I do most guys... Why? I guess theydon't like that fact that i am so tall. If I could help it.. I would... but I can't! I didn't ask to be this tall.... If I could be the short little petite thing... then I would. But I can't! Or maybe it's becuase I am joining the Air Force. Apparently this is a problem to most guys. Though I don't know why... I am trying to get somewhere witt my life... I am trying to make something of myself....

Or maybe it's the fatc that i am strong individual with intelligance and most guys would rather talk to a brick wall.... Or maybe it's becuase I have a direction set for my life. Maybe it's becuase I know that I have goals that I myself want to accomplish....

In all honest I don't understand... but whatever it is... I am the one here hurt yet again.... I am the one here who is crying wondering exactly what's going to happen, trying to decipher what is really going on in your mind. Or maybe you really do like me and I am just oging way too deep into things... Either way i wish I knew but I don't. The onyl thing I know is that suddenly while you were so interested in me... when you called me before I got the chance to call you.... When you texted me the sweet little things... Suddenly in just the point of a day you stopped all of that... I'm so lost and confused... but I wish I knew... But i don't... SO I end up sitting around hurt... trying to see what's going to happen!
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[icon] What am I cAnDyLaNd or something? - ~*NaUgHtY LiTtLe iMpOrT cHiK*~
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