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Subject:Where to go from here?
Time:04:42 pm
Current Mood:discontentdiscontent
OKay....so as I sit here thinking... wondering just what to do.... I juts got off the phone with my sister and she asked me why I am always turning arund going back to the one person who is always busy snapoping with me and being a total and complete asshole to me.... And so now I shit here and think about it... Why? Well the one reasont hat i come up with is because he is the one who shows so much interest in me that I actually have feelings for.... but at the same time it's this whole big issue like we're together,but we're not...And I've never done anything like that... I'm not into the whole open relationship thing... I never have been... Without fail he always makes me cry, always snaps at me, and is always so secrative... I mean I'd be more then happy to just get into a relationship wiht himandmake things be all even and everything like that, but for some reason he just won't... And I don't know how much longer I can handle all of this.

On the next note, there is this guy that I met that is so nice... We've been hanging out quite a bit, and just chillen and watching movies... And I've been ahving an awesome time. He is so sweet, and he always makes my day... calling me gorgeous, beautiful or whatever... Like last night for instance I texted him when someone made me cry and his automatic response was"I want to give you a hug.... you should never cry." And granted maybe that seems like a line, but this guy seems real for some reason...even though I know I say that a lot about almost every other new guy...but this guy actually took a while to kiss me... and he actuallyshowsme that he respects me.... And I lvoe that feeling.

The first guy used to call me gorgeous, tell me I was beautiful and all of that... but now he doesn't anymore. And he makes it seem like I am just becoming a bother to him... and I wish I could just leave and never come back.... like I say I always will do but I never end up doing that. I always turn back and go right back to him even though I know that sooner then later he will make me feel like shit. I always tell myself that thats it... I'm just going to take all my siht and get the hell away from him for a while and make him see what he is missing... Make him see how he is treating me... and more then anything make him see that I am gorgeous...

Why do I need him to see that other people think I am gorgeous? Because he apparently doesn't think that I am all that hott... and I guess I am just not that physically attractive to him. But this other guy always tells me that I'm gorgeous... and I don't even have to go all dressed up.IN fact most of the time I just show up when we hang out wearing sweats or something.... He's never seen me all dressed up but he likes me for who I am... and thinks I'm attractive no matter what... and I like that!

Anyways, I'm going to go out of this thing for now... just felt like venting... Who knows maybe today I'll have the guts for once just to grab my shit and leave...not stay with him for once.... We'll see though!
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